


When the World is Spinning (I am Standing Still)

by burymeonpluto



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, Obfuscating Silliness, Ship is Vague, This is my Character Study on Kairi, please give Kairi the development she deserves, post-kh3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 07:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeonpluto/pseuds/burymeonpluto
Summary: Friendships flicker in the dim light of days long past, and Kairi is left chasing after ghosts of people who no longer exist. Falling for an idea must be the cruelest fate of all.





	When the World is Spinning (I am Standing Still)

  
  
  
Sora leans back onto his hands, incoming surf just kissing the toes of his shoes. He squints into the sunset with a smile that’s soft and nervous. “Do you think it was a mistake too?”  
  
Kairi flinches. Her arms tighten around her knees. “What kind of question is that? I trust you more than anybody. If you say Vanitas deserves a chance, then he deserves it.”   
  
“Doesn’t everybody?” he grimaces. “He’s a victim as much as anyone else.”  
  
“Yeah… Have you talked to Riku? What does he think?”  
  
Sora nods. “He agrees with me.”  
  
“Then, what’s the problem?”  
  
“I dunno,” he shrugs. “For some reason, I just thought that you’d be against it. You didn’t look very happy when I came back with him.”   
  
“That was just the shock!” she laughs without breath. “He looks just like you. I thought I was seeing double!” It wouldn’t be the strangest thing she’s ever seen.  
  
Sora frowns at the sea. It doesn’t suit him. “Any of us could’ve ended up in his position. That why I wanna help him. He’s no different from us.”  
  
“That’s so like you,” Kairi smiles, but Sora doesn’t reciprocate. His lips twitch upwards, but nothing more. Kairi unclenches her jaw. “Maybe Vanitas just needs someone to treat him like a person.”  
  
“Yeah… I think so too. He’ll never be his own person if everyone keeps treating him like an enemy.”   
  
“If anyone can do it, it’ll be you, Sora,” she smiles.  
  
Sora nervously scratches his cheek. “You think so?”  
  
“Yeah. I’m gonna do my best, too. You’ll see.” She prods his arm with her finger. “You’re not the only shining star around here.”   
  
Finally, Sora laughs. A weak guffaw, more like Riku than himself. “I’m definitely not.”  
  
It’s like her vision is fracturing. Kairi stands and tiptoes out into the rolling surf, where the water washes just above her ankles. Her heart flutters. Just a bit. She turns her back towards the sun. Sora is still there on the beach, not too far away, and it’s calming. He’s the only reason she’s able to go this far. But he’s watching her with such a shadowy, contemplative look on his face. Where’s the easygoing lilt? The unbreakable smile? It’s all wrong. So she scoops some water into her hands and tosses it at him.  
  
Sora blocks the incoming spray with his arms and a playful smile. “Hey! What’s that for?”  
  
“For making such a weird face!”  
  
“Sorry,” he chuckles, and stays on the beach.  
  
Kairi’s fingers get knotted in the fabric of her dress. “C’mon.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Come out here with me. We used to play this game all the time. You loved it.”  
  
Sora glances away from her, back towards the sea. His eyes are so sad. “Oh, yeah. I guess you’re right.”  
  
What a collected reaction. The Sora Kairi knew was full of energy. The light in his eyes wasn’t so cloudy. He’d rebound so fast from contemplation, words at a mile a minute and silly jokes to break the tension. He was a boy who’d be embarrassed at his forgetfulness, and double-down to carve whatever it was into his memory forever. He was frustrated with his own limitations, but never defeated by them. He was that kind of boy.  
  
The boy who befriended Kairi almost immediately after she arrived. The boy who stood tall in front of the other, bigger kids for making fun of her when she broke down crying on the beach because the ocean ignited such paralyzing fear in her heart. The boy that gradually lulled that fear, until she would merely quake atop their ramshackle runaway raft. The boy Kairi adored. She did it for him. For _them_. Riku, too. Before he changed. Before everything changed.  
  
Sora’s smile is measured and faint, his eyes soft. Quiet and together and tired and hurt. The boy Kairi loved fell with the islands all those years ago, and sank down to the bottom of the ferocious sea. She never even had time to mourn him.  
  
–  
  
Kairi tries her best, but it isn’t easy. Frankly, Vanitas makes her nervous. Is it the darkness? His volatile nature? Maybe it’s just his face. This is another Sora she doesn’t recognize.  
  
No! She shakes her head, glaring down into her half-eaten cereal. It’s like Sora said: Vanitas is his own person, even if he doesn’t believe it now. He just needs someone to treat him as such. Kairi watches Sora and Ventus try their hardest to get Vanitas to interact with the others, dragging him around the Mysterious Tower against his will. Riku has had a few hushed conversations with him as well. Seemed friendly enough. Not that Vanitas trusts any of them yet. Not that Kairi could actually hear anything they were saying.   
  
She sees the others cross paths with him. On the training grounds. The winding corridors that shouldn’t fit within the tower walls. Lea treats him like an old comrade. He and Roxas fight like bitter rivals. Sometimes Kairi feels like she’s the only one not trying.  
  
But it isn’t easy! All these new people—it’s a little overwhelming. Xion and Naminé tell her she’ll get there in time. But there _is_ no time!  
  
She’s gonna have to suck it up. Treat her anxiousness like her fear of the ocean. Lessen its power. Laugh in its face. Just like she did when she was seven. Honestly, she still slips up and calls the ocean “Yumi” in front of people who don’t understand. People who aren’t Sora or Riku. They’re the only ones who know. Giving the sea its own name helped Kairi feel a little better. It was the only thing she could control. Maybe it’ll work this time, too.  
  
But what kind of name should she give Vanitas? It’ll come to her. Hopefully.  
  
No, it’ll have to. Because this isn’t about her. It’s about Vanitas.  
  
–  
  
Vanitas doesn’t know why that girl Kairi has been staring at him for the past ten minutes, but it’s really annoying. It’s enough to make his skin crawl—and not literally, for once.  
  
It doesn’t stop, either. He can still feel those eyes upon his back after he leaves the common area; or when he’s on the training grounds; or minding his own business, walking down the hall, searching for some kind of peace and quiet away from everyone else and their _insistence_ on _including him in everything_.  
  
Okay. This is annoying. He can’t take it anymore. He turns on his heel and storms towards her, bristling in the dead quiet of the hallway. “_What is it?_” What’s a Princess of Heart doing following him around? What’s her deal?  
  
Kairi jumps sky-high at the boom of his voice. She avoids his eyes, looking at the floor, the wall, and his hair instead. For some reason, he sees realization break over her face like the dawn. She claps a fist into her palm. “I’m gonna call you Vani Buni!”  
  
Vanitas is sure his brain just completely shut off. The stupidity must be choking him. “_What_?”   
  
“Vani… Buni,” she offers, like it’s so obvious. “It’s cute.”  
  
And she smiles. But its… warm. It’s not sad. Not pitying, or sympathetic, or teasing or condescending or _proud or angry—_  
  
It’s just a smile. For him. The bright flash of sunset falling into the welcome arms of a warm, summer night.  
  
Vanitas blinks. His face turns steely. “I’m not… _cute_.”  
  
“The unversed, too. They kind of look like rabbits.” She’s completely ignoring him. She perches her hands atop her head like floppy ears. “The small ones. It’s doubly-perfect.”  
  
“There’s nothing perfect about it. I don’t even want to hear you say my name.”  
  
“Then, I won’t!” she grins. “Vani Buni!”  
  
Vanitas stops his hand mid-grasp around that ephemeral hilt. He’s only here through the grace of two people. Only forced into a second chance by Sora dragging him forward and Ventus shoving from behind. If he raises his blade against a Princess of Heart—a Guardian of Light—not even they would be able to keep the others from obliterating him.  
  
Kairi is still smiling at him. This girl has no sense of self-preservation. No apprehension around Vanitas. Even calling him stupid, awful pet names—what the heck is wrong with her?   
  
He tries to walk away, but she follows him, asking stupid questions. “Where are you going?” and “What are you doing?”  
  
This is it. He’s going to lose it.  
  
–  
  
Several days and countless dumb questions later, he thinks this is all she is. Just a dull nuisance.   
  
“Vani Buni!” Kairi shouts down the hall. It sends a lightning bolt down Vanitas’s spine. She appears by his side, a blur of breathless pink. “How’s about a sparring match?”  
  
That has got to be the single dumbest thing Vanitas has ever heard. “You have some kind of death wish?”  
  
She just huffs and flexes her arms. “What? You scared I’ll wipe the floor with you?”   
  
“Really, do you want to die?”  
  
“C’mon! Xion is busy! And I need a sparring buddy!”  
  
“Then find literally anyone else.”  
  
She snatches up his hand. “But I wanted it to be you!” The air is dead silent. “We’ve never sparred before. I thought it’d be fun.”  
  
Seconds crawl by on broken limbs. “Fun?”  
  
“C’mon, Buni. Please?” Small fingers tighten over his hand. Warm, and—_touching him_? “Will you meet me out on the sparring field?”  
  
Vanitas quickly reclaims his hand. “Just once,” he mutters.  
  
Kairi pumps her fist in the air. “Okay!”  
  
“Once is all it will take for you to see how outclassed you are.”  
  
“I accept that challenge,” she sneers. “I’m stronger than I look, ya know!”  
  
“Let’s hope so, _Princess_.”  
  
“You’re on!” She pokes the tip of his nose, and everything stops. Vanitas short-circuits. Kairi laughs into her hands. “Oh! It’s an off switch!” She pokes him again, and he instantly swats her hand away. “Come back, Buni!”  
  
“Stop that.”  
  
“Never!” she giggles. “Now I know your weakness!”  
  
“That’s not what-” Another poke. Vanitas’s voice dies.  
  
“You see? My strategy is foolproof.” She does it again. “Power: on!”  
  
His face flickers back to life. He storms away from her, hands absolutely trembling. “Draw your keyblade, Princess. We’re doing this no holds barred.”  
  
And he hears Kairi trot gleefully behind him. “I hope you’re ready for a fight!”  
  
Kairi does not, in fact, put up much of a fight. It’s kind of funny, really. Like a fledgling on unsteady legs, trying its best to simply stand and refusing to give up. No matter how many times it fails. A fledgling… like the unversed. Kairi once said they looked like rabbits. She said they were… what?  
  
Cute. Right.  
  
–   
  
Sparring with Kairi in the afternoons starts to become a habit. She tracks him down at the same time every day, tugging him by the wrist if she has to. After three days, Vanitas opts to save himself the trouble and meets her out on the field. She calls him that stupid nickname, and then they go. It’s the same fight. The same routine.  
  
A week later, Vanitas knocks her down with a dark firaga. She takes two more hits before she actually blocks it. So she _can_ learn.  
  
But he knocks her down with a strong, upward swing a few minutes later anyway. She gets that tired look in her face that Vanitas has learned to mean she’s finished. He dismisses his keyblade and stretches his arms above his head. Another no-contest.  
  
“Hey, Buni!” Kairi pants as she jogs over. Her flowery blade is still in her hand. “Can you teach me that?”   
  
“Huh?” His face scrunches. No one has ever said anything like that to him before.   
  
“That crawling firaga! I can never get it right.”  
  
Vanitas scoffs. “I doubt a Princess of Heart could ever use dark firaga.”  
  
“Magic is magic. I can translate.”  
  
No way. Vanitas flips through his mental catalog of the other Guardians. “Riku uses the same move. Go ask him to teach you.”  
  
“But yours is stronger,” she says matter-of-factly, and Vanitas halts.   
  
“Mine is darker.”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“It’s fueled by negativity. Just like everything else about me. It’s impossible for you.”  
  
Kairi frowns. “You say that like I don’t have any negativity of my own.”  
  
“Please,” he scoffs again. He can’t help it.  
  
“Doubt hides beneath the light, Vani,” she mutters, and pokes the end of his nose again.  
  
Vanitas bares his teeth. “Your _doubts_?” he hisses. “You think petty little emotions like that are enough to fuel a fire? That’s not even enough to singe your pretty little dress.”   
  
Kairi’s calm snaps in two. Her glare is ice cold. “Frustration. Fear. Sorrow. _Loneliness!_ You think I don’t know agony?” Her eyes have turned to glass. “It may be small to you, but it isn’t nothing. Don’t say that I don’t know.”   
  
“Then prove it to me, _Princess_.”  
  
Kairi’s lip quivers. She points the end of the keyblade at his chest, and Vanitas springs back out of sheer instinct. She releases a wild, blazing fireball at him. Vanitas takes a quick sidestep and feels the heat glance over his skin. It’s white-hot, but poorly aimed. The fireball curves wide and slams into the wall of the tower, leaving nothing but a blast of soot against the brick. He hears Kairi gasp.  
  
Vanitas laughs through his nose. Maybe the princess has more anger than she lets on. “Not bad. But you gotta work on your control.”  
  
Kairi presses her hands against her eyes. Her keyblade is gone. “Thanks for the tip, Buni,” she grumbles. “I’ll get right on that.”  
  
–   
  
Roxas is a punk. What Vanitas wouldn’t give to just smash his stupid, cocky face into the concrete. How dare he smirk at him like that while looking so much like Ventus. It seems Vanitas isn’t the only one stealing faces around here.   
  
He won’t deny that Roxas is strong, but there’s no way Roxas would ever deny it, either. He’s so sure of himself. He’s so _annoying_.   
  
Especially right now. Vanitas really wants to let him have it. Right here in the kitchen.   
  
Vanitas was minding his own business. He didn’t ask for company. He only wanted some water. He’d opened the freezer for some ice and Roxas’s hand darted for the last bar of ice cream before Vanitas could even figure out what he was looking at. He’d grinned and said “Too slow,” before tearing it open and biting into the powder blue sweet. Vanitas wasn’t reaching for it. He didn’t know what it _was_. But Roxas is treating it like some great victory. Idiot.  
  
“I didn’t want it,” Vanitas mutters.  
  
“Good, ‘cause it’s too bad if you did,” he says with a mouthful of ice cream. Disgusting.  
  
Vanitas clenches a fist. “What kind of idiot gloats over winning a non-existent fight?”   
  
“This kind of idiot,” Roxas smirks, pointing at himself. “Especially if the winner gets ice cream.”  
  
“There is no winner!”  
  
“You sure? I really _feel_ like one.” Oh, if he really wants to feel something, Vanitas can oblige! “Don’t be such a sore loser.”   
  
“I will put you in the ground. Right here. Right now.”  
  
“Bring it on,” Roxas sneers. There’s ice cream all over his stupid face.   
  
Vanitas growls. Hold it back. Not here. Not like this. “We’ll settle it on the training grounds later,” he forces through clenched teeth.  
  
“Sounds good. _Bunny_,” Roxas sneers, before being flung to the ground.  
  
Vanitas is pretty sure he just broke Roxas’s jaw. That might come back to bite him later.  
  
He goes back to his room and finds a pink rabbit sticker placed haphazardly onto his door. That damn girl again.   
  
All of them. They’re just _asking_ for it.  
  
–  
  
So it turns out Roxas’s jaw isn’t broken, but Vanitas still has to endure the long, tedious lecture about “lashing out” from the Masters. How boring. He’s heard it a thousand times.  
  
He’s banned from the training grounds and sparring field for three days, and that’s where Vanitas almost loses it a second time. That’s stupid! How’s he supposed to get _better_ if he doesn’t train? Isn’t that the whole point of him being here? Why can’t they just give him a bunch of chores to do? He can ignore those!  
  
What is he supposed to do now?  
  
This is all Roxas’s fault. The next time Vanitas gets him in the sparring field, he’s not gonna hold back.  
  
Vanitas sits on the windowsill in the room they _so graciously_ gave him. Training is the only thing he doesn’t hate around here. Now he doesn’t have a single reason to leave this room. What a joke. Acting like he should grovel at their feet like a dog… He didn’t ask to be brought here. He didn’t _want to be saved—_  
  
A single flood perches on his shoulder. Vanitas grits his teeth. It’s been a while since he lost control. He grabs the creature by the throat and launches it across the room. A ghost of pain echoes through his head as the unversed hits the wall. He hears it skittering along the floor in a panic. Stupid, mindless thing… He’ll destroy it later. It’ll give him something to do.  
  
The sun creeps across the sky, not as harsh or burning as it used to be, but just as slow. Endless days on scorched earth to be quenched by nothing but sweat and tears.  
  
Someone knocks lightly on his door. “Vani?” Kairi. What does she want?  
  
Vanitas doesn’t answer. Maybe she’ll take the hint and go away.  
  
The door opens. Of course she won’t. “You can’t hide from me, you grump.” A thin shadow darts towards her from beneath the unmade bed, and what’s left of Vanitas’s heart leaps into his throat.  
  
“You idiot!” Void Gear is in his hand. Kairi stops in her tracks, and so does the unversed.  
  
The flood stands there, twitching and idle. Looks like Vanitas still has a shred of control, after all. He warily readjusts his grip on the blade. What is that thing doing?  
  
Kairi slowly kneels down in front of it. She’s _smiling_. She’s making fun of him. She— “How cute!”  
  
Vanitas freezes. “What?”  
  
“It’s cute.”  
  
“It’s _ugly_.”   
  
Wide eyes turn up at him. “But it’s a part of you.”  
  
“That’s why.”  
  
She watches the flood for a moment or more. “Well, I think it’s cute.” And she reaches for it, like it’s some kind of dog or cat.  
  
Is she insane? Don’t touch it! Don’t _like_ it!  
  
The unversed jerks back to life. It lashes out, scratching Kairi along her hand the same instant Vanitas’s blade comes down. The flood turns to smoke, and all of its anguish returns to Vanitas like one-hundred bee stings.  
  
“Vani!” she gasps, cradling her injured hand. It’s not a very deep cut, but there’s still blood. “Are you alright?”  
  
Of course not. He wouldn’t know what it felt like if he was. “Are you stupid?” is all he says, and returns to the windowsill. The sun is still too bright and too slow in the sky.  
  
Kairi carefully tiptoes over and creeps into his vision. She pokes the end of his nose. There’s a handkerchief wrapped around her hand. “Buni.”  
  
Again with this? Vanitas returns the offending poke with force. “Quit it, Princess.”  
  
She sputters frantically: “You did it back!”  
  
“It’s called retaliation,” he scoffs.  
  
“But…”  
  
“Have a taste of your own medicine.”  
  
Kairi purses her lips. There’s something gleaming in her eyes that Vanitas doesn’t like. It screams nothing but mischief. “Now it’s our secret handshake.”  
  
“Huh?” And she pokes him again. There it is. He frowns and returns the poke. “Stop it.”  
  
“No way!” she laughs. The next time she tries it, Vanitas leans just out of reach. Good thing she’s such a shrimp. “Hey!”  
  
“Do you want to lose a finger?”  
  
“Oh, you’re no fun,” she pouts.  
  
Of course he’s not. Has he ever given her any indication that he is? That he even knows what constitutes something _fun_?  
  
Then she shoves an apple into his face. “Here.”  
  
“What’s this?”  
  
“You weren’t at breakfast,” she states.   
  
“So?”  
  
“_So_ you need to eat, you goober.” What the hell is a ‘goober’? Is that an insult, or— “Take it. I brought it for you.”  
  
Vanitas accepts the apple, if only because it’s obscuring his vision. “Why?”  
  
“Having a routine is a good way to stay grounded,” she explains, and she sounds so much like that prissy Aqua that Vanitas almost gags. “Breakfast is a good start.”    
  
He clicks his tongue. What good will a routine do him?  
  
Kairi sits on the other side of the windowsill. She’s frowning. “Do you not like apples?”   
  
Vanitas studies the fruit in his grip—firm and red and shining in the slow-motion sun. “I don’t know.”  
  
“You’ve never had one?”  
  
He doesn’t like that tone.  
  
“That’s exciting.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“You get to try one for the first time! It’s a good thing I picked up the best looking one,” she grins, so proud of herself. “Fruits are tasty, and good for you, too! Blueberries and melons… Oh, and mango is hard to find, but it’s really worth it.” What is she going on about? Vanitas at least knows what fruit _is_. Just because he’s only tasted as much as a single cherry that he stole from the top of Ventus’s ice cream— “There’s a fruit back on Destiny Islands that’s star-shaped. They say if two people share the paopu fruit, they’ll never be apart. That they’ll always find their way back to each other.” A stupid fruit can do all that? Kairi gathers the hem of her skirt in her fists. “But I don’t know if I believe that… It doesn’t even taste very good.”  
  
Vanitas takes a bite of his apple in the silence. It’s sweet and crisp and leaves a line of juice trailing down his chin. Not bad.  
  
Kairi shifts. “What are you doing today, Buni?”  
  
“Waiting for it to end,” he says through another bite.   
  
She giggles. “You’re as bad as Sora. Looking for any excuse to do nothing.”  
  
“I’d rather be dragging Roxas by his stupid hair out onto the sparring field, but so much for that.”  
  
“You’re always out there, training harder than anyone else. You’ve earned a break.” She says it like he’s supposed to know what that means. “I was planning on visiting home today.”  
  
“Which one?”  
  
The pause is brief, but noticeable. “So you’ve heard about all of that, huh?” she mumbles. “The one that matters.” Again, like he’s supposed to know what that means. “You want to tag along?”  
  
Vanitas narrows his eyes. “Why would I do that?”  
  
“It beats staying cooped up in here all day,” she shrugs.  
  
“I’m sure it would really please those _masters_ of yours.”  
  
He’s met with another poke to his nose. “Who’s gonna know?” That’s a surprisingly sly grin. “Just imagine the look on the others’ faces when they see you!”  
  
Mischief, huh? He can get behind that.  
  
–  
  
Vanitas nearly throws some girl named Selphie down onto the street when she all but tackles him and calls him “Sora.” This was a horrible idea. Kairi laughs until tears fall down her face.   
  
Everyone they run into is a nuisance. If one more person tugs on his hair he’s going to lose it.  
  
“C’mon, Buni. Don’t go ballistic,” Kairi says between giggles. Damn girl brought him here on purpose. He fell for her promise of mischief! How dare she.  
  
Vanitas clicks his tongue and opens a dark corridor right there on the sand.  
  
“Vani!”  
  
He steps through before she can reach him, instantly walking along a different beach. In his anger, he went to the first place he could think of, which was another island across the same sea. Kairi had pointed it out to him when they first arrived. Said it was where the local kids would go and play.  
  
Now that he’s here, Vanitas vaguely remembers this place. It’s where Ventus first remembered him. Way back then… This place hasn’t changed.  
  
He wanders the island, out of boredom if nothing else. It’s kind of nice to not have anything to do. Maybe this is what Kairi meant by a “break.” There are tall trees and constructed towers. What looks like an old fort built directly into the hillside. A shack filled with crude drawings and coconut shells. A pathetic jut of land with a single, bent palm tree.  
  
The wind is surprisingly calm up here. Vanitas meanders over to the tree and watches the leaves shift in the fading light. Sunset already. He barely noticed. The sun glances off of something within the palms—something obnoxiously gold, and star-shaped. It’s that stupid fruit!  
  
He leaps up to grab one. He can’t deny his curiosity, not after hearing that overblown legend.  
  
He senses Kairi far behind him. Such a bright light is impossible for him to ignore. She’s standing near the rickety bridge between here and the shack, not moving. Not bothering him.  
  
Well, whatever.  
  
Vanitas leans against the sun-bleached tree and studies the fruit in his hand. What an unnatural shape. A five-pointed star, cartoonishly yellow. Gaudy and cumbersome. It’s kinda heavy, too. But he guesses that’s because the thing is the size of his whole hand. Something like this is supposed to have mystical power?  
  
He bites off one of the points, and immediately spits it back out onto the sand. It’s bitter. Disgusting. It leaves a trail of sour grit over his tongue and between his teeth. He spits again, but it’s not going away. This is awful. Maybe he should’ve trusted the Princess’s taste, after all.  
  
How disappointing. The fabled fruit of fate isn’t even remotely palatable. Why is he surprised? He tosses what’s left of it over his shoulder. So much for fairytales.   
  
“Oh!” Kairi’s voice. Vanitas turns around and finds her a few paces away. The paopu fruit is in her hands, now with only four points. Suspiciously free of sand, too. She must’ve caught it. “You tried it?”  
  
“It was terrible.”   
  
“I told you,” she snickers. “You’re just gonna throw it away?”  
  
He folds his arms and turns back towards the sea. “I’m not _eating_ that garbage, if that’s what you’re asking.”  
  
“That seems like a waste.” Her voice rings closer, shoes crunching over the sand.  
  
“You eat it, then.”  
  
Kairi appears in the corner of his vision, frowning at the paopu fruit. She doesn’t say anything. Vanitas counts three clear crashes of waves before she takes a bite. Another corner gone. Her face twists in anguish as she swallows. “Ugh! You didn’t even pick a ripe one!”  
  
Vanitas shrugs. What does he care?  
  
Kairi stares at the now three-pointed fruit. She lifts it to her mouth, hesitates, lets it fall, holds it up, and hesitates again. Vanitas watches a little crinkle appear between her eyebrows.  
  
Two more wave crashes. He can smell the sour juices dripping onto the sand between them.  
  
Another wave smashes into the shore, and Kairi launches the rest of the paopu fruit into the ocean.  
  
“Seems like a waste,” Vanitas huffs.  
  
She doesn’t even look at him. “No, you were right,” she grumbles. “It’s garbage.” He wants to remark on how harsh that sounds, but she marches away before he can say anything. “Let’s go.”  
  
“Go where?”  
  
“Somewhere that’s not right here,” she sighs. “Come walk with me, Vani.”  
  
Well, whatever. He follows her across the bridge, onto the sand, down the beach. Kairi kicks off her shoes and trots onto the compacted sand, where the occasional wave will rise and fall. Vanitas stays nearby, farther down the shore. The water doesn’t crash high enough to get into his boots. They walk until they’re on the other side of the small island, gazing out at nothing but open, endless sea. Kairi’s pace slows until they’re both standing still.  
  
He watches her stand there on the shore, surf washing over her feet, just barely flinching as it splashes above her ankles. The way she stands her ground in the shifting sand, despite not belonging here. Vanitas has heard the story: She wasn’t born within the waves—she washed up here. Lost in the tides of the worlds. But she still stands there.   
  
The tension is clear in her face, but she stands there.   
  
This isn’t her place. The water heralds only bad things. But still…  
  
It’s the same way she looks at Vanitas. Apprehensive and firm. Standing against everything she’s not like an anchor or guidepost. Strong against the current. Facing the brunt of every changing tide. Out of what? Sheer stubbornness? Tenacity? Vanitas cannot begin to understand.  
  
Of course, he reminds himself, she is pure light. She is everything he is not. The dark can’t stain her, ravage her, like it does him. She has everything. Balance. Peace. And he has nothing.  
  
“Have you ever seen the ocean before?” she asks out of the blue.  
  
Vanitas shrugs. “Once or twice.”  
  
“And you’re not afraid to just… walk out there?”  
  
“It’s no big deal.”  
  
“Can you swim?”  
  
“How hard can it be?”  
  
Her lips press together. She squints out over the glittering water. “You’re like clay, ya know?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“It’s nothing.”  
  
Vanitas has no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but he really doesn’t care enough to ask. He watches another wave bite past Kairi’s ankles. Watches the tension in her face. Her clenching fist. But she stands there and lets it happen. She doesn’t move or shift or anything. She only sinks deeper into the sand as the water pulls it out from beneath her.  
  
How long does she plan on waiting? How many times has she been lost? Abandoned? Left behind or stolen away? And yet she’s still… herself. Her hope hasn’t died yet. How? How can she just stand there?  
  
Vanitas has been shaped by misdeeds and horrors. There’s no way he could just ignore them. They’ll mark him forever in scars and fractures upon his withered heart. Lines spreading fast through broken glass. Indentations on his flesh.  
  
Is that what Kairi meant by ‘clay’? Soft and easily marked… Insulting him right to his face. She really doesn’t have any self-preservation.   
  
“I wish I were like clay,” she murmurs. Vanitas can barely hear her over the wind and waves.  
  
“What’s so good about it?”   
  
She doesn’t answer.  
  
“Sorry your perfect little life hasn’t left you with any scars.”  
  
Kairi’s head snaps towards him. “You think I have it easy? I’m sick of all this,” she spits. Her eyes glare out over the choppy water. “I feel like I’ve been waiting all this time for something that’s never coming. Time keeps marching on, and I’m still here. Watching it all happen around me…” She turns back to Vanitas, and her eyes are open and broken. Tears leave salty tracks down her cheeks. “I don’t know when I stopped being happy. But I remember when I _was_. When we all were. But Sora and Riku have grown without me, and I’m still here. The way things were… wasn’t good enough, I guess,” she sighs, wringing her hands together. Grasping for something. “I know things can’t stay the same forever, but why can’t they just hold still for a little bit longer? I’ll never catch up to them. I’m so _sick_ of being left behind!”  
  
A wave crashes before them, bringing in the tide. It’s powerful enough to make them both stumble. Sea foam splashes up past Kairi’s knees and she screams.   
  
Vanitas grabs her by the shoulders to keep her from falling. She cries softly into her hands. Vanitas stands there, between her and the sea, water seeping into his boots, listening to her sobs, unable to do anything.  
  
Kairi hesitantly leans against him, not asking for anything else.  
  
–  
  
The next time Vanitas is allowed onto the sparring field, he really hopes to get Roxas out there, but he might have to settle for Kairi instead. They always spar in the afternoons, and Roxas is nowhere to be found. Seems she’s the only reliable one around here.  
  
He’s on his way out when he runs into her, standing on the sidelines of the training grounds, watching Sora and Riku do… something. They must be working on a joint attack, but Vanitas has never seen anything like it before. Their keyblades fuse into one, like some kind of dual form change. The keyblade is an extension of the heart, just like Vanitas’s is an empty, broken piece. So, Sora and Riku’s hearts must be completely in tune and intertwined. There’s no other way they could pull off a move like that. Not that Vanitas could ever begin to understand it.   
  
The way they laugh and joke with each other, too far away to hear clearly… it looks like they don’t even notice Kairi standing here watching.   
  
“You said you’d never change,” she mumbles under her breath. That look in her eyes is the same one she gives the sea.   
  
“What do you mean?” Vanitas asks, and she jumps.  
  
“Oh! Buni!” Her smile is weak. “You startled me.”   
  
Clearly. “What did you mean by change?”  
  
“It’s nothing,” she lies, and covers her unease with a smirk. It’s empty—something Vanitas knows far too well. “Are you ready for a fight? I’ve been practicing while you were grounded.”  
  
What a childish way of putting it. “I never expect a fight from you.”  
  
“That’s kinda mean,” she laughs.   
  
“I’ve been trying to break you in for weeks now.” But she refuses to budge.  
  
She pokes him in the chest. Her smile has turned to a challenging sneer. “You must not be trying very hard.”  
  
“Oh? So you’re saying I should start taking you seriously?” he grins.  
  
Kairi grimaces, but she isn’t looking at him. She’s watching behind him, where Riku and Sora are still practicing. There’s some kind of worry creasing her face, like she’s staring out to sea. That look again…  
  
There’s something going on behind him, isn’t there? “What is it?” The sound of clashing blades has stopped, and Vanitas turns to see—  
  
Kairi grabs his face and pulls him back towards her. “Wait!”  
  
Her eyes are wide and blue. Vanitas’s mouth is hanging open. What is she doing? Why does she look so scared?  
  
Then she pokes his nose. “Buni.”  
  
Vanitas frowns. “What is it?” She tries to poke him again. What a tired distraction. He snatches both of her wrists before she has the chance. “What are you trying to do?” That same anxious look. Vanitas leans down to her level. She should be easily intimidated like this. “Well, Princess?”  
  
Kairi swallows, and puts on an uneasy grin. She brings their faces together. The tips of their noses gently touch. “Buni!”   
  
Vanitas jumps back, and she bursts out laughing. “_What is it?_” he demands.  
  
“Nothing important,” she says. The hell it’s not! She holds out her hands, beckoning him back. Vanitas doesn’t move. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
  
His withered heart is beating fast, but it isn’t fear. “I’m not scared of you,” he spits.   
  
“That’s good to hear.”  
  
“What the hell was that?”  
  
She tilts her head. “What do you mean?”   
  
Playing innocent—! “Whatever that was! What are you trying to do?”  
  
“Nothing! Honest!” She steps closer, and Vanitas leans back. “Just enjoying the look on your face,” she leers. She’s making fun of him. “Oh, come on, Vani Buni. Let’s go to the sparring field. I need to de-stress.”   
  
Well. Vanitas isn’t about to refuse a sparring offer. Especially not now. He should aim for her nose.  
  
–  
  
Their spar is no different than normal. Kairi seems to be favoring magic lately, fire and thunder leaving black marks along the empty sparring field.  
  
And maybe Vanitas is getting complacent, because he could swear she’s getting better. Or maybe she’s getting better at reading his moves. It wouldn’t surprise him. They practice together almost every day.  
  
Kairi insists on going another round. Vanitas shrugs. He’s got much better stamina than her. Fighting is the only thing he’s good at.  
  
When he knocks her down, she’s slow to get up. But she still stands back up.  
  
Vanitas props his blade on his shoulder. “Give it a rest, Princess.”  
  
“Just one more,” and she sinks into a battle stance.  
  
“You can barely stay upright,” he scoffs. “It’s no fun without a challenge.”  
  
“I’ve never been a challenge for you,” she retorts.  
  
“Better than this, at least.”  
  
“Buni…”  
  
“You’re not impressing anyone like that.”  
  
She stamps her foot. “I’m not trying to impress anyone!”   
  
“Why else would you insist on this? It doesn’t make any sense.”  
  
“It’s just a spar!”  
  
“A spar you keep _losing_.”   
  
“I don’t know!” she shouts. “Okay? Why does it matter?”  
  
Vanitas pauses. He doesn’t know, either.  
  
Kairi catches his silence, and laughs quietly to herself. Her keyblade disappears in a flash. She walks over with no fight in her step, tugs his sleeve like an invitation, and sits on the grass next to him.  
  
He sits down beside her, mind a mess of white noise.  
  
“I really don’t know. Maybe… if I keep moving I can’t think. Or maybe it’s just nice to have someone to myself for a little while.” She smiles bitterly at her boots. “Sorry. I’m a selfish girl, I know.”  
  
Vanitas merely shrugs.  
  
“I know you don’t care, but you still listen. And that’s good enough for me. I want someone to listen to me. You don’t try to fix anything. You just let me be upset.”  
  
“Sorry for not coddling you, Princess,” he snorts.  
  
“No, I like it. There’s nothing wrong with feeling upset… or hurt. Actually, I think if you never feel things like that, then your heart would be truly empty… because that would mean there’s nothing you really care about, you know?” She tries to smile, but it doesn’t work. “Thanks for letting me be upset, Vani.”  
  
Vanitas has no words for that, so he doesn’t bother. He watches the breeze sweep across the worn, lightened grass of the sparring field. Kairi makes a sniffling sound. He glances over and sees tears shining in her eyes.  
  
“I’m fine,” she croaks. He didn’t ask. “It’s nothing.” She says that, but it’s clearly not. Well. It’s not like Vanitas cares enough to dig into it. She quietly reaches for his hand, but he pulls it away. “Buni…”   
  
“Why don’t you go cry to your friends instead?” he mutters.  
  
“I can’t,” she confesses immediately. “They wouldn’t get it. Every time I think I know what Riku is going to say, what Sora’s going to do, I’m _wrong_. They’ve changed so much without me. After all this time apart… I could never catch up.” Then she scoffs. “So much for finding our way back…” Her voice drifts away, and she holds her hand out towards Vanitas. “Vani… Buni.”   
  
He groans. “I told you to stop it with that stupid nickname.”  
  
“Nuh-uh. I like it.” She wiggles her fingers. Vanitas doesn’t react. “Vah. Nee. Bah. Nee.” Still nothing. She sniffs. “S’cute.”  
  
“It’s stupid.”  
  
“Stupidly cute.” And she grabs his hand by force, prying it away from his leg. “You’re such a grump—gimme your hand.”  
  
Vanitas shifts uncomfortably. He’d run if he could. “You’re annoying,” he grumbles.  
  
That only makes her snicker. “Annoying like Sora, or annoying like Roxas?”  
  
“Neither. You’re even more annoying then Ventus. You’re the worst.”  
  
Kairi’s hand tightens around his. “Thanks.”   
  
Vanitas feels his fingers twitch, like they want to close. Kairi really is the worst of them all.  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Kairi fears change, and she's been forced to leave her allegorical cave. Also, Vanikai is really cute. 
> 
> @VaniVeniVici


End file.
